How I demonstrate that I am both busy and important

Inspired by an anonymous blogger at Grad Hacker, who offered some “advice” on “How to Act Productive”, feminist law blogger Bridget Crawford put together a list for law professors, "Tips for Conveying How Busy and Important You Are".  Here are some highlights:

• Tip #1:  Walk fast when on campus and explain to colleagues that you cannot go out to lunch because you are busy responding to law review editors’ comments on your manuscript.
• Tip #2:  Remind your colleagues how many students you teach, how many exams you have to grade, how frightfully many hours it will take you to grade them, and how grading exams really cuts down the time you can be available for scholarship, service activities, friends or family.
• Tip #5: Get ticked off and behave badly at faculty meetings.
• Tip #7: Make sure you tell students and administrators, “Now is not a good time.”
• Tip #8: Pretend that you don’t know how to use the copy machine or create a pdf.
• Tip #12: Keep your cell phone on during class and all meetings, and let it ring several times before stepping out to answer it.

Read her full list here.  Of course, Professor Crawford's list is far from complete, so Kim Krawiec at The Faculty Lounge came up with a list of her own, including the following:

1.  Make the support staff mark your exams and papers.  Why should an international superstar waste time on menial activities like grading?

4.  If you burp, sneeze, or say something important to the local media (like “fraud is bad”), make sure that your school’s website reports on each instance, thwarting attempts to highlight colleagues’ scholarly accomplishments.

5.  Don’t use your own office for media tapings.  Instead, demand the use of scarce classroom, library, or other common spaces.  In fact, insist on the dean’s suite.

6.  Busy people must multitask to get everything done.  When on a symposium or conference panel, text in full view of audience members and fellow panelists. If you receive an amusing communication, laugh out loud while others are presenting. 

7.  Another panel tip: demand to present first and then leave as soon as you speak without waiting to hear your co-panelists.  Alternatively, demand to go last, then show up late, just before your start time.  One instance may not be enough to demonstrate your busyness.  Make it a hard and fast rule.

8.  Time, page, and other limits are for less important people.  When giving a faculty workshop, send a paper that is at least 100 single-spaced pages, and spend the entire hour presenting it.  Why leave time for questions?  Your paper’s already perfect.

10.  Don’t try to remember the names of students, staff, or untenured faculty.  You’re too busy.

Read her full list here.